"We just finished dancing to the brutal music played by our riffles, it was a gruesome fight but we conquer losing just three soldiers, they died because we thought it was over, we thought our dance with the terrorist was over not until a terrorist we thought was dead stood up and open fire on us, Walai I would have been dead as well, you see my helmet did the miracle, it became my savior, the bullet hit it but never passed through, Gaskiya it was then I knew my wife have been praying for me, it was then that I knew the endless dreams I've been having of my weak old mother kneeling by her bed, asking God to keep her son was real.
"Ali bend down" I heard someone screamed, I forgot my name was Ali, not until I heard the crash on my helmet that I knew death does not ask of names.
Last week made it a year since I came to kazaure, it was a thick bush just at the outskirt of sambisa, you see we do not have visitors, I've not seen a normal human again, a human that was not dressed in green fatique and looking fierce and "death ready", a human that does not have a riffle flung across his body, the only visitors we had were ones who came to snatch our life away while we plan to snatch their life as well.I came to this place just a week after my only daughter Zinani second birthday, I could remember joining the van that was taking us to borno how I saw my mother fell on the floor with hands spread on the floor like a nine year old child that was refused meal and justice.
" Na kashe shi" ( I have killed him) she wept and wail, from afar when memories start to form, I saw sympathizers holding her and pleading.
Her statement "Na kashe shi" made me felt this guilt, I've never wanted to join the army, all my dreams and aspirations was to become a lawyer and marry my secondary school girlfriend Aisha, but then circumstances forced me and my dreams to the army, "When the desirable is not available, the available becomes the desirable" this became my story, Papa had die of diabetes just after my WAEC exams, then life started it push on us, pension was refused and savings got finished and like a snail we saw our lives slowly taking a ride from one of joy and hopes into a shackles of diapair and poverty, I decided to join the army, something that after six months I'd be done and fend for my family.
The day I passed out of the army depot I proposed to Aisha, who gladly received me,I was twenty five already, my mother had this smile that has left her face for five years since my father die, the smile came when I walked side by side with Aisha during the traditional marriage, the smile also came when we gave birth to our daughter Zinani, the smile also came when my sister graduated from school of nursing in plateau state which I sponsored, I served in Kaduna then and was able to see my family often, but then came Maiduguri and life became what it was before even darker than an underground tunnel this time. ----------------------
"Oga you no be soldier" someone asked me the first day I encounter a live gun fire with the terrorists.
My hands were shaking and the guns seems to leave my hands, I couldn't hear the sound of the gunshots only the jerking gun reminded me that I was shooting, the ryhthm of the gun sound was gruesome, the lyrics was scary, The way people scream and fall, the "Yeeaaaa wayo Allah" the "Mama ooo oooo" screams that beclouds my ear that day seems to announce my presence before the devil and hell. When it was over we have to flung the bodies of wounded comrade on our shoulders and hurried to trucks that would lead us back to the camp, we buried the dead ones in shallow graves, even my friend, the one who asked if "Oga you no be soldier" was buried with his eyes still open, having that stare of shock, well that's the way of the world, we entered the trucks without saying anything to anybody, I tried my best not to think much but each time I closed my eyes came that images of splattered blood, each time I tried to cover my ear came that screams of pains and songs of death.
Our camp was moody abd silent like a graveyard that night, even beyond the silence of the forest night, Our officer came out and stare at all of us, some had hands on their cheeks while others had shirts taken off, some eyes were red with tears while others sob silently, in this place we do not try to "Be a man" we do not try to be the gallant troops we were,we do not even see ourselves as the heroes of our countries but as slaves sent out to be slaughtered, I stood in a truck with a mounted AK 47 riffle ready to shoot when expected unexpected things happen.
"You see boys" began Commander, his voice was shaky, I could not just hear it but I felt it "Today is gone, and we lived"
"Some of our comrades die today to serve their fathersland" he continued with his voice now becoming firmer.
"They pay the ultimate prize no man can ever pay, not even a lawyer or a doctor"
"They lay their lives for children to sleep and be able to go to school"
"They died so that a mother would be able to go to farm and feed her children" We began to get interested.
" They do not just die but they gave their life for someone to live "
Commander was not just good at issuing command, but also give heart to the heartless, he made us understood why we were here, he made us see light even when the world was dark.
The day I went to Maiduguri and had access to service to call my wife, she was disturbed, I told her to give the phone to Zinani so as to hear the voice of my "Existence" in the world, I wanted to make my voice familiar to my daughter so she would not see me as a stranger when I return.
"How do you manage to cope with life" Aisha asked me, well I think it was commander, it was commander that made us believe in what we do, but life would be terrible now, maybe we would die more of heart failure, maybe our morales will never be boasted again, and I felt I was the one that caused all of it, all of us felt that way, if only I had been vigilant and focused then I'd have stop what killed commander before it killed commander.
You see, as Commander was speaking to us, we were getting charged up and ready to be a soldier again, I never knew how it happened but a vehicle with out light storm into the camp, they were shooting sporadically, before we could take them down commander was down already, we gather around him as he struggle with life and his life.
"You'll all conquer boys because I've conquered" he said and his life was taken from us while we were left with his body.
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