Somewhere between the ages of 40 and 60 you may hit what is commonly termed a "midlife crisis." This can be a big turning point in your life related in part to the normal changes that take place for all women, or it may pass with little fanfare.
Midlife Crisis: Understanding Triggers
“I think there is something to the idea that women and men both are working so hard to move their lives along in their 20s and 30s and 40s that, whatever the [midlife] catalyst is, something comes along and the person says, this is my life, this is it,” says Elena Moser, LCSW, a therapist in private practice and clinical director of the Women’s Therapy Center in El Cerrito, Calif. That realization can spur growth … or it can trigger anxiety and depression as a response to stressful events.
Common stressful life issues that seem to trigger a midlife crisis include:
- Children leaving home
- Death of a loved one
- Caregiving for older relatives
- Loss of a job or approaching retirement
- Signs of declining physical health
For many, says Moser, a midlife crisis may simply result from the realization that you are 50 and haven’t yet written that novel or achieved another long-held dream.
Midlife Crisis: The Impact on Women’s Health
As women reach middle age, they begin to experience some expected bodily changes, like menopause, but may also suddenly face new, serious medical issues. A diagnosis of type 2 diabetes, cancer, or osteoporosis, are just a few conditions that are more common to women during and after midlife. These women’s health concerns can trigger the depression and anxiety that characterizes a midlife crisis.
Although researchers are still looking into whether and how the emotions accompanying a midlife crisis can affect your physical health, it is known that some women develop (or revisit) an eating disorder as they try to cope with midlife issues.
Midlife Crisis: Cutting Through Stereotypes
“Not all women experience a midlife crisis,” says Moser. “I think the idea that all women go through a midlife crisis is probably rooted in the stereotype of women being mothers and then, with children going away from home, being left with ‘nothing to do.’”
The reality is that many women adjust to the empty nest and report feeling good about watching their children mature and about having the chance to redefining their own peer-to-peer friendships. Moser points out that since so many women now work outside the home throughout their adult lives, having children leave home is not quite as disruptive today as it was when women had little else going on in their lives.
Midlife Crisis: How to Cope
A midlife crisis may sneak up on you.
“For different people, that [midlife crisis] can spiral into a depression or states of anxiety or intense questioning or reflection,” says Moser.
Sometimes a sign of a midlife crisis is doing something completely out of character, and wanting to do it with a great sense of urgency, such as:
- Leaving your marriage
- Changing your job or career path
- Smoking more, drinking more, or seeking other escapes, such as shopping, to feel better
Moser cautions that wanting to change your life isn’t necessarily a bad thing: Thoughtful changes can lead to growth. But reckless changes may lead to poor decisions that cause heartache later, so you should recognize the possibility that your desires are related to your temporary emotional state.
“I think a good way to get through a midlife crisis is to really think about what you want for your life and talk about it with somebody,” says Moser.
Therapy can be very beneficial at this point. “The goal of therapy is to have a conversation with another person, with the two of you putting your heads together to talk about your life,” says Moser, who also suggests joining a support group for women facing midlife issues.
With some individual guidance and the company of other women, chances are you will sail gracefully through midlife, and perhaps even find renewed meaning and purpose for the next chapters of your life.
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